Solid Ground
by xanfan
Summary: SLASH Xander is assaulted by his secret boyfriend and needs to get out of Sunnydale to heal. He and Tara go to L.A. to recover from their screwed up lives. WARNINGS description of rape
1. Chapter 1 Hurt

Title: **Solid Ground – Part 1 - Hurt**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: eventually, X/A

Summary: SLASH - Xander is assaulted by his secret boyfriend and needs to get out of Sunnydale to heal. He and Tara go to L.A. to recover from their screwed up lives.

Spoilers: Up through most of season six of BtVS, goes AU at end of Entropy. Through season 4 of Angel, Okay, just pretty much anything from all seasons of both shows is fair game.

Warnings: SLASH M/M, violence, description of non-con.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Anya broke up with Xander after "Once More with Feeling" He began another relationship not long after that. Buffy never told Tara why she wanted to know if she 'came back wrong', so Tara doesn't know about her and Spike. Tara doesn't die, because she isn't there to get back together with Willow. This takes place right after Xander & Buffy see Anya and Spike on video, courtesy of spy cams.

RING RING RING

Tara rolled over and blindly reached for her cell phone.

"Hello?" she said muzzily.

"Tara?" A familiar voice gasped quietly from the phone.

"Xander? What's wrong?" Tara asked worriedly. The pain and vagueness of Xander's voice waking her fully.

"T-T-T-Tara……I don't feel good……I think I'm bleeding."

"Xander? Are you hurt? What happened? Where are you bleeding from?" Tara asked, trying to keep Xander talking while she hurriedly pulled on her clothes with one arm.

"It hurts, Tara," Xander whispered vaguely.

Tara took a deep breath, and tried again.

"Xander, honey, where is the blood coming from?"

Tara heard a whimper of pain come through the phone and what sounded like a sob. She grabbed her bag and keys as she headed out of her dorm room. The room she had moved into when she left Willow.

"He hurt me," Xander whispered into the phone in disbelief.

"Who hurt you? How did he hurt you?" Tara whispered back as she made her way out of the dorm. She hoped he didn't mean who she thought he meant had hurt him and how she thought he had been 'hurt'.

Another sob and whimper came through the phone.

"I-I-I-I didn't w-want it. I-I-I-I said no. I screamed no," Xander struggled to say.

Tara's throat tightened, as did her grip on the phone.

"Xander? Are you at home? I'm coming to get you, okay?"

"Yeah, I'm at home. Thank you," Xander said before he hung up the phone.

As soon as Tara heard the phone disconnect she took a deep breath and forced the tears back. She would cry for Xander later, now she just needed to get to him.

Not long after Willow had introduced her to the Scooby Gang, Xander had made it a point to befriend her. Their Willow-based friendship had developed into a separate strong friendship that had continued to grow even after she had broken up with the red-haired witch.

Xander had always been gentle and non-threatening with her. He seemed to innately sense that she had issues with men, and took great care to show her nothing but kindness and love.

They had become very close. He was probably the closest friend she had ever had. Not even Willow had managed to get past her defenses like Xander could. They discovered that they had both had similar experiences growing up, and each hid themselves from the world in their own ways. Tara hid literally, peeking out from behind her extreme shyness and the curtain of her hair. Xander hid in plain sight, so to speak. His mask was a laughing-boy, goofy persona to hide his real self.

They had shared secrets and truths with each other that they had never shared with anyone else, not even Willow. They had come to love each other deeply. Not romantically, it just wasn't that way between them. Tara had come to realize that the people she shared a last name with knew nothing about what being a family was. Xander knew. For her, he had redefined the word. She believed that whatever happened, he would always be family to her.

She was the only one who knew that Xander had started seeing someone new not long after Anya had dumped him following the musical-inducing-demon fiasco. The relationship was kept secret from everyone but her. She knew that the relationship was with another guy, she didn't think this other man knew that she knew. She also knew who he was.

She'd known that he loved this individual with all his heart. She was pretty sure the feeling wasn't returned as enthusiastically as it was given.

She'd suspected that Xander's 'boyfriend' wasn't being honest with him and was possibly even cheating on him, but she hadn't had proof. She'd also wondered if the man even considered what he and Xander shared to be a relationship.

She had feared that Xander would end up hurt, but she hadn't imagined that the hurt would be physical as well as emotional.

Tara parked her car in front of Xander's apartment building and was out of the car and racing up to Xander's door in moments.

She knocked, then used the key Xander had given her in case of emergency to let herself into Xander's home.

She called his name, but received no response.

She followed the sound of running water to Xander's bathroom and found her best friend sitting on his shower floor, with his arms wrapped around his knees, which were pulled tightly to his chest. He was almost covered in scratches and hand shaped bruises. There were abrasions on his shoulders, where they had scraped repeatedly against something and his wrists were ringed with bruises, like he had been held down. The water flowing toward the drain only slightly diluted the blood that flowed with it. She knew that the obvious injuries were nowhere near the worst of what he'd suffered.

"Oh Xander," Tara exclaimed softly.

Xander lifted his head from its resting place on his knees and looked at her blearily.

"I hurt," Xander whispered, his voice barely audible above the sound of the shower.

"I know sweetie, let's get out of the shower, okay? We need to get you to the hospital; we need to make sure nothing's been ruptured," Tara said softly.

"I don't like hospitals," Xander said with a half-hearted pout.

"I know, but this is one of those times when you have to go, it can't be avoided. That nice doctor who usually treats us all is probably on shift right now, he knows better than to ask what happened. You have to get checked out, especially since you're still bleeding" Tara said, giving Xander her own version of 'resolve face'.

Xander sighed and nodded. He allowed Tara to help him stand and step out of the shower. She dried him off and found a pair of loose sweat pants, a t-shirt, and socks for him to put on. She took a blanket too, since he couldn't seem to stop shaking and she was afraid he might be in shock.

Xander managed, with Tara's help, to get himself dressed and out the door of his apartment and into her car. She tucked the blanket she had grabbed around him after making sure he was buckled in. She was driving towards the hospital before Xander spoke again.

"They're gonna ask me what happened," Xander whispered.

Tara nodded, "Maybe we can say something about people with bumpy foreheads, that usually makes people forget to ask anymore questions."

Xander smiled a bit through his shock, but the smile quickly faltered, "It's not like I can exactly tell them that the man I l-love r-r-r…."

Tara reached over and gently squeezed his hand, "You don't have to tell them anything if you don't want to. You don't have to tell them who or what did this to you."

Xander bowed his head and whispered, "You know who…..hurt me, don't you?"

"I have my suspicions," Tara said quietly.

Xander couldn't meet her eyes.

"Xander, was it Spike?"

Xander looked at her, the first time he'd made real eye contact since the phone call. The brown eyes that she was used to seeing glow with laughter and love were dulled by pain and fear.

"I t-told h-him no," he whispered.


	2. Chapter 2 Call For Help

Title: **Solid Ground – Part 2 – Call For Help**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: eventually, X/A

Summary: SLASH - Xander is assaulted by his secret boyfriend and needs to get out of Sunnydale to heal. He and Tara go to L.A. to recover from their screwed up lives.

Spoilers: Up through most of season six of BtVS, goes AU at end of Entropy. Through season 4 of Angel, Okay, just pretty much anything from all seasons of both shows is fair game.

Warnings: SLASH M/M, violence, description of non-con.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Anya broke up with Xander after "Once More with Feeling" He began another relationship not long after that. Buffy never told Tara why she wanted to know if she 'came back wrong', so Tara doesn't know about her and Spike. Tara doesn't die, because she isn't there to get back together with Willow. This takes place right after Xander & Buffy see Anya and Spike on video, courtesy of spy cams.

RING RING RING

Cordelia put down the magazine she was reading and reached for the phone on her desk.

"Angel Investigations, we help the hopeless."

"Hello?" a hesitant voice asked.

"Hi, this is Cordelia, how can I help you?"

"C-Cordelia? This is Tara, Xander's friend."

Cordy sat up straighter in her chair, she knew of Tara from her weekly phone calls with Xander. In the back of her mind, she registered the interesting fact that Tara had introduced herself as 'Xander's Friend" not 'Willow's Girlfriend" or 'Willow's Ex-Girlfriend'.

"Tara, I know who you are honey, Xander talks about you all the time. What's wrong?" Cordelia asked when Tara gave a muffled sob at Xander's name.

"X-Xander's in the hospital," Tara said simply.

Cordy froze, so did Angel, who had been pretending not to listen to the conversation from across the room with his vamp-hearing.

"What happened Tara?" Cordy asked, trying to stay calm.

"H-he was…..attacked," Tara said, not quite able to say the 'r' word.

"Is he okay?" Cordy asked, not glancing up as Angel came to stand next to her. Even from across the room, he had heard the hesitation at the word 'attacked'.

"Ph-physically? He's bruised and scraped all over and he had to have s-stitches where he was t-torn… Mentally? He's not doing well. I'm not doing well," Tara admitted.

"What do you need me to do?" Cordy asked without hesitation. Angel nodded in agreement.

There was a pause on the other end of the line. They heard Tara take a deep breath before she spoke again.

"Xander's going to need time to heal. I don't think he can d-do that h-here, in Sunnydale. We both need to get away. I was hoping we c-could come down there?" Tara said softly.

Cordy spared Angel a glare, daring him to contradict her next words, "Of course you can come here, in fact we'll come get you."

Angel raised his hands and brows, backing away slightly. He didn't contradict her, in fact he nodded emphatically.

"Y-you don't have to do that. I-I can…" Tara began before Angel grabbed the phone and interrupted her.

"Tara, this is Angel. We are going to come get you. We'll leave as soon as we can and be in Sunnydale in a few hours. You'll need help packing. Xander might need help to get around that you might not be able provide. Plus, you sound like you need some support; don't you think Xander would want us to be there for you?" Angel said.

Tara took a deep breath.

"What about the sun?"

"My car has tinted windows and the hospital has an underground entrance," Angel replied.

"O-okay. I'll see you guys in a few hours," Tara said quietly.

"I'll give you back to Cordy…." Angel began.

"Angel?" Tara said before he handed the phone over.

"Yes?"

"Buffy, Willow and Dawn don't know anything about this, and you aren't going to tell them," Tara said firmly.

Angel paused, Tara's tone left no room for argument, but he also knew that there had to be a very good reason as to why the others weren't aware of what was going on.

"Angel, did you hear me?" Tara asked.

"Yes, Tara, I understand. We will try and stay under the radar when we get there. If you say the girls aren't to know, then they won't be hearing about this from us." Angel replied.

"Th-thank you Angel. This is… complicated. I'll try to explain some when you get here," Tara said, the meekness sneaking back into her voice.

Angel handed the phone to Cordelia.

"Tara?"

"Yes Cordelia."

"It shouldn't take us too long to get ready, so we should be there in no time…Xander, is he….?

"I-I don't know. I've never seen him like this, so…..broken," Tara said sadly. After a few moments of silence on Cordy's part, she said softly, "We'll help him, just like he has always helped us."

Cordelia smiled. "Yes, we will. I'll let you get back to him now. We'll see you in a few hours, okay?"

"See you then," Tara said before she hung up the phone.

Cordelia slowly replaced the handset of the phone on its cradle, then stood and stepped into Angel's waiting arms and let her tears fall.

"Angel, what Tara said? Did that mean what I thought it meant?"

"I think so," Angel said sadly, his heart breaking for the young man he had never gotten along with, but had always respected.

"Oh God Angel, who could do that to him?" Cordy sobbed.


	3. Chapter 3 Gestures

Title: **Solid Ground – Part 3 – Gestures**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: eventually, X/A

Summary: SLASH - Xander is assaulted by his secret boyfriend and needs to get out of Sunnydale to heal. He and Tara go to L.A. to recover from their screwed up lives.

Spoilers: Up through most of season six of BtVS, goes AU at end of Entropy. Through season 4 of Angel, Okay, just pretty much anything from all seasons of both shows is fair game.

Warnings: SLASH M/M, violence, description of non-con.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Anya broke up with Xander after "Once More with Feeling" He began another relationship not long after that. Buffy never told Tara why she wanted to know if she 'came back wrong', so Tara doesn't know about her and Spike. Tara doesn't die, because she isn't there to get back together with Willow. This takes place right after Xander & Buffy see Anya and Spike on video, courtesy of spy cams.

Tara headed back to Xander's room, where he was sleeping courtesy of the drugs the doctor had prescribed.

She was glad that their 'regular' doctor had been on shift that night. When they had arrived at the hospital, the doctor had taken one look at Xander and ushered them into a private exam room. He had gently performed his duties, with little question and fuss, sensing that Xander would not respond well to direct questioning.

Tara had held Xander's hand through as much of the ordeal as she was able. They had both had tears running down their faces by the time it was over.

And now he slept.

She looked at the gentle face of her best friend. That face was marred by a split lip and a bruise on the left cheekbone.

She hoped she had done the right thing by calling Cordelia. Tara knew that Xander and his ex had rebuilt their friendship after high school and that he trusted the girl completely. Tara's real concern was Xander's reaction to her decision to get them both out of Sunnydale and the fact that Angel would be involved.

From all the stories she had heard, she knew Angel and Xander hadn't really gotten along when they were both in Sunnydale. Tara knew from her conversations with Xander that it was more of a reaction to circumstance than any real dislike, and he didn't really harbor any ill-will towards Angel. After her short conversation with Angel, Tara got the feeling that he no longer hated Xander, if he ever had. In fact, he'd sounded very concerned, so she wasn't afraid that their past animosity would be a problem.

Tara's fear was that Xander would react badly because Angel was a) a man; b) a vampire; and c) connected to Spike.

As she brushed a lock of hair back from Xander's face, she silently prayed to her goddess that she had made the right decision.

Angel held Cordelia for a few moments until she pulled back and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

Cordelia immediately went into dictator mode.

"I still have some clothes and stuff here, enough to get me by in case we need to stay over, so I don't need to go home and pack. We're taking Connor; we need to keep an eye on him and we might need the muscle. I'm not sure how long Xander is going to need to stay in the hospital, but knowing him, he'll want out as soon as possible. You and Connor might want to bring a change of clothes or two just in case. I'll help look after Xander while you and Connor go take care of whoever did this to him." Cordy said matter-of-factly.

Cordy hurried upstairs to gather her things. Over her shoulder, she gave instructions for Angel to find Connor and get them both ready to go, because they had exactly one hour before they left.

Angel stood stunned by the whirlwind that was Cordy, before he shook himself out of it and jumped into action. Connor was somewhere in the hotel, so it shouldn't be too hard to track him down.

He stopped and thought for a moment, before he made a phone call.

"Hello?" a ragged vice answered.

"Wes?"

There was a long pause before, "Angel? Is that you? What are you…Why are you…"

"Wes, I'm not really ready to hash out everything with you, but I… was wondering if you would look after the agency for a few days. We have an emergency situation, and we need to go out of town. I'm not sure for how long, but it shouldn't be more than a day or so. Fred and Gunn will still be here, but they might need some mystical back-up." Angel said hesitantly.

"Oh dear, is it something serious? Do you need me to research something?"

"Not that kind of serious, at least I don't think so. It's more of a personal emergency. One of Cordy's friends from Sunnydale was….injured and we're going to go pick him and another friend up and bring them here to stay for awhile."

"Okay, I'll be over later today. I do hope Mr. Harris will be okay."

Angel pulled the handset of the phone away and stared at it for a moment.

"How did you know it was Xander?" Angel asked.

"Well, he is the only person from Sunnydale with whom Cordelia maintains contact," Wesley answered.

"Oh yeah. Anyway, I've got to go get ready to leave. You know the drill around here, so uh, we'll let you know when we'll be back."

"Angel?"

"Yeah Wes?" Angel said with a sigh.

"Thank you."

Angel didn't say anything else, he just disconnected the call. What else was there to say? He still wasn't sure that he could ever get over Wesley's betrayal, but, the man knew his stuff, and if something came up while they were gone, at least Fred and Gunn would have back-up.


	4. Chapter 4 Nightmares

Title: **Solid Ground – Part 4 - Nightmares**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: eventually, X/A

Summary: SLASH - Xander is assaulted by his secret boyfriend and needs to get out of Sunnydale to heal. He and Tara go to L.A. to recover from their screwed up lives.

Spoilers: Up through most of season six of BtVS, goes AU at end of Entropy. Through season 4 of Angel, Okay, just pretty much anything from all seasons of both shows is fair game.

Warnings: SLASH M/M, violence, description of non-con.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Anya broke up with Xander after "Once More with Feeling" He began another relationship not long after that. Buffy never told Tara why she wanted to know if she 'came back wrong', so Tara doesn't know about her and Spike. Tara doesn't die, because she isn't there to get back together with Willow. This takes place right after Xander & Buffy see Anya and Spike on video, courtesy of spy cams.

Xander lay in his hospital bed shifting restlessly in his sleep.

Xander was seething._ How could Spike do that? How could he sleep with Anya? On camera? Okay, so he didn't know about the 'caught on tape' part, but still. _

But that wasn't the worst part. Not only had Spike slept with Anya, but, come to find out, he had been sleeping with Buffy for months.

Spike had been having sex with Buffy almost the whole time he and Xander had been together.

Xander threw open the crypt door and stormed inside his lover's 'home'. He immediately saw Spike lounging in his beat up old recliner nursing a bottle of Jack.

"Oi, Whelp, whatcha doin? Makin' a right racket, you are." Spike's words were slurred. He appeared to be even more drunk and depressed than he'd been at the Magic Box.

Xander just stared at Spike in disbelief. How could the blond just sit there, pretending that nothing had happened?

"What the hell is wrong with you? How could you do that? With Anya? With Buffy? How could you cheat on me like that?" Xander yelled.

"Whoa, hold on. What're you talkin' about?" Spike asked. Xander wasn't sure if Spike was playing innocent or just too inebriated to understand.

"Buffy and Willow and I saw you today Spike. Those stupid nerds had cameras all over the place, even inside the Magic Box. We saw you and Anya together. By the time we got there to confront you two, you were gone. I didn't understand why Buffy was so angry, until she told me that you two had been having sex for awhile and that she had broken it off, but you were still sniffin' around her proclaiming your love and all that crap."

"She was angry? Like jealous angry?" Spike asked, completely missing the point.

"Spike!"

"What?" Spike asked.

"You're my freaking boyfriend and you have been sleeping with my best friend behind my back for months, on top of that, you just had sex with my ex on the research table of the Magic Box."

Spike looked at Xander incredulously.

"You know I love her. If anything, I was cheating on her with you. This isn't a relationship Xander, it's fuck-buddies. You know that."

"But, I love you," Xander said brokenly.

"Yeah, but you knew that I love Buffy." Spike said in confusion.

"I thought, when we… got together, that you were over it, or at least were getting over it. I thought that we were together. I thought you felt something for me too."

"I like you well enough. I like that you love me. It's a nice change to be touched with love and affection for once, especially compared to being with Buffy. There was nothing nice and sweet about what we did together," Spike said with a leer, recalling some of their raunchier moments.

Xander just stared at him. He felt like his whole world was crumbling around him. It was really just the delusions that he had built for himself. The delusions that someone would really love him and choose him. Xander could almost hear his own heart shattering into a million pieces.

Spike continued to speak, oblivious to the boy's distress, "Once Buffy stops playin' hard to get, maybe we can still work somethin' out……"

"What do you mean?" Xander asked incredulously.

"Do I need to draw you a picture?" Spike asked, draining the last of the whiskey and letting the empty bottle roll away, "You and I could still see each other, even after Buffy takes me back…."

"No, you idiot, I mean about Buffy? Do you actually think that she wants anything to do with you now? After seeing you with Anya? And I haven't even told her about us yet. She doesn't love you. She was just lost and confused. She was using you to make herself feel. She's not playing 'hard to get', she just doesn't want to be gotten. At least not by you."

Spike was up and in Xander's face before Xander had even seen him move.

"You don't know what you're talkin' about, you git. She loves me, she just needs some time to realize it. And you'll not be tellin' her about you and me, not while she's confused about where she belongs," Spike growled.

Xander stared at his lover, aghast at the thought that the blond vampire was really that blind to the situation.

Xander turned to leave, but stopped and started to speak without looking back. "She doesn't love you, she'll never love you. You're insane if you think that she ever would. And you're nutso if you think I'll ever let you touch me again…"

His words abruptly ended when Spike grabbed his arm and pulled hard. Xander fell back against Spike's chest, where strong arms wrapped around and held him tight.

"Shut up! She does love me, her jealousy proves it. Only a matter o' time before she comes back to me. And you love me too, remember? Want to think I'm your 'boyfriend'. You'll let me touch you whenever and wherever I want, and you won't say anything to her," the cruel words were whispered mockingly in his ear.

Xander struggled against the arms holding him tight, regretting for the first time that Spike's chip had never worked properly on him. Xander hated more than ever his time on the swim team which had left him changed just enough for Spike's chip to deem him different.

"Let me go you un-dead asshole!" Xander shouted as he continued to struggle despite the fact that he was making no progress in freeing himself from the arms of the drunk and enraged vampire.

"You love me. You can't pretend that you don't. Maybe you just need to be reminded of what you love to do with me. I'll make you remember, make you admit it," Spike said as he manhandled Xander over to the concrete slab that covered the tomb of some forgotten man.

He pushed Xander face down, lowering his own body to cover the boy's as he had done countless times before. When a flailing arm almost hit him, Spike grabbed both of the boy's wrists and held them together behind his back with one hand. He knew he was being a little too rough, but it was all part of the game he and Buffy played, wait, no Xander. He had to keep hold of Xander, just until he gave in, the way she did. All the barriers came down during sex; if he could just get them to stop fighting it, he could show them they loved him, make them admit it. He pushed Xander back down as the boy bucked up, wrenching his hands up higher to keep him in place.

Xander felt his cheek scrape roughly against the concrete.

He heard the rough scrape of a zipper being lowered before he felt Spike grab for his pants.

It was at this moment that he fully realized what was going to happen and he started screaming silently in his mind.

Tara had to call the nurse when Xander woke up screaming and couldn't be calmed down. His voice was raw and hoarse by the time the nurse came in with the sedative.

When the sedative took effect and Xander finally settled down, Tara sat back down in the chair she had been dozing in before Xander had woken. She pulled her knees to her chest, wrapped her arms around them and started sobbing and praying that Cordelia and Angel would get here soon.


	5. Chapter 5 Reactions

Title: **Solid Ground – Part 5 - Reactions**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: eventually, X/A

Summary: SLASH - Xander is assaulted by his secret boyfriend and needs to get out of Sunnydale to heal. He and Tara go to L.A. to recover from their screwed up lives.

Spoilers: Up through most of season six of BtVS, goes AU at end of Entropy. Through season 4 of Angel, Okay, just pretty much anything from all seasons of both shows is fair game.

Warnings: SLASH M/M, violence, description of non-con.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Anya broke up with Xander after "Once More with Feeling" He began another relationship not long after that. Buffy never told Tara why she wanted to know if she 'came back wrong', so Tara doesn't know about her and Spike. Tara doesn't die, because she isn't there to get back together with Willow. This takes place right after Xander & Buffy see Anya and Spike on video, courtesy of spy cams.

Angel heard the commotion as soon as he stepped off the elevator. He got to Xander's room as the nurse left, just as the boy settled down.

He listened to the soft sobs coming from inside the room and his heart ached for the girl who must be Tara.

Cordelia and Conner caught up with him just as he was about to open the door. Cordy looked a little winded from chasing after the dark vampire.

"I heard him screaming. I thought…. It sounds like he's asleep. He must have had a nightmare or something," Angel explained.

They both nodded, and he motioned for them to stay quiet as he opened the door to Xander's hospital room.

They all filed in slowly.

Cordelia immediately went to the girl curled up in the chair sobbing.

"Tara, honey, it's me, Cordelia."

Tara lifted her head and looked into Cordelia's eyes and said, "H-he'd b-been sleeping since I talked to you, b-but then he started getting restless and mumbling in his sleep. Then he j-just st-started screaming and saying 'No!' I couldn't get him to c-calm down and I was afraid he was going to h-hurt himself. They had to sedate him."

Cordy wrapped her arms around the lovely blonde and said, "It's okay, it'll be okay. We'll take care of him and he'll get better."

Angel and Conner were focused on the young man in the hospital bed. Conner had never met him, but he had heard so much about him from Cordy. This was definitely not the laughing young man he had known vicariously through the seer.

Conner was still very confused as to exactly what was going on, but he couldn't help but feel anger on this boy's behalf. He also wondered at the fact that his father, a 'monster', was going to be entrusted with his care and protection. The more time he spent in his real father's presence, the more he doubted the veracity of the man who had raised him. Conner decided to use this trip to observe his father a little more closely. Maybe he would finally get a handle on who the vampire really was.

Angel stared at the boy he had known and realized that sometime in the past few years, he had become a man. Still, his face held a vulnerability and innocence that hadn't faded with his maturity. He hoped that some of that still existed when this was all over.

Cordy forced herself to look at Xander and barely managed to hold back a sob. She hoped that Angel ripped apart whoever did this to her Xander. If the older vampire got squeamish, she would be happy to do it for him.

She went back to comforting Tara, patting her back and rocking her a bit. She knew the past several hours had to have been trying for the young witch and all that trauma needed to be let out, so she was happy to help in any way she could.

Something was niggling at Angel's senses. Something familiar. He knew that it meant something, he just wasn't sure what.

Then it hit him. His childe. He smelled his childe. He smelled Spike. And since Spike wasn't here……

Everyone in the room, except the sedated boy on the bed, turned to stare at Angel in apprehension when he started growling. Their uneasiness grew when his eyes flashed yellow to accompany the growling.

Tara guessed immediately what was wrong.

"A-Angel, uh, I need to t-talk to you, in the hallway," she said in what she hoped was a calm voice.

Angel struggled to calm down so he could talk to her. When the growling stopped, he followed her into the hallway, leaving the others very confused.

"You know?" Tara asked without preamble.

"I smelled Spike, so I guessed. How could he do this?" Angel asked no one in particular. Then another thought occurred to him, "I was told about the chip, that he couldn't hurt humans. Did it stop working?"

Tara hesitated for a moment, then answered, "It had something to do with the chip not recognizing Xander as completely human because of how his DNA was altered when he was on the swim team in high school. It still works on the rest of us, except I think Buffy, after she came back."

"Buffy's not human?"

"No, she is, just the whole bringing her back thing gave her….a sunburn on the cellular level. It might be enough to fool his chip."

Angel digested this information for a moment. "Why Xander?"

Again, Tara hesitated, not sure exactly what had happened, but able to guess most of it.

"He and Xander were…..involved. N-no one knew about it, I wasn't even supposed to know about it. Xander loved him, and Sp-spike….I'm not sure what Spike felt for Xander, but I think he still has feelings for Buffy," Tara said, haltingly.

"I'm going to dust him," Angel stated plainly.

"I'd be the first to agree with you, but we need to help Xander. That's our priority. So, can you try and hold off on the staking?"

Angel looked at the young woman before him who could be shy and retiring one moment and have a spine and will of steel the next, and smiled slightly as he said, "I'll leave it be, for now."


	6. Chapter 6 Crypt Keeper

Title: **Solid Ground – Part 6 – Crypt Keeper**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: eventually, X/A

Summary: SLASH - Xander is assaulted by his secret boyfriend and needs to get out of Sunnydale to heal. He and Tara go to L.A. to recover from their screwed up lives.

Spoilers: Up through most of season six of BtVS, goes AU at end of Entropy. Through season 4 of Angel, Okay, just pretty much anything from all seasons of both shows is fair game.

Warnings: SLASH M/M, violence, description of non-con.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Anya broke up with Xander after "Once More with Feeling" He began another relationship not long after that. Buffy never told Tara why she wanted to know if she 'came back wrong', so Tara doesn't know about her and Spike. Tara doesn't die, because she isn't there to get back together with Willow. This takes place right after Xander & Buffy see Anya and Spike on video, courtesy of spy cams.

Angel left Cordelia and Connor to watch Xander and took Tara back to her dorm to pack. He told her he had an errand to run while she packed her stuff and would pick her up later to go to Xander's and start packing up his things. They would need to stay in town for a night or two, but they wanted to be ready to leave as soon as Xander was able to.

Tara gave him a knowing look before she got out of the car.

Angel drove to the cemetery that he knew housed Spike's crypt. He parked as close as he could get and walked the rest of the way.

As he neared the crypt, he became aware of the fact that the area smelled of his youngest childe, but that he couldn't locate him specifically. He did, however, smell another demon.

When he threw open the crypt door, he surprised the big wrinkly, loose-skinned demon who was sitting in Spike's chair watching T.V. and eating chips.

"Who the hell are you, and where's Spike?" Angel roared.

"I-I'm Clem. You're Angel, right? Spike told me all about you. Don't worry, I'm sure most of it wasn't true," Clem replied nervously.

Angel blinked.

"Where's Spike?" Angel asked, trying to maintain his temper, knowing that this particular type of demon was typically not hostile and didn't have evil intentions, aside from the whole kitten-eating thing.

"He left. Said he needed a change of scenery, that the hellmouth just wasn't doin' it for him anymore. He said I could stay here if I wanted, watch the place for him," Clem offered with an unassuming smile.

As Angel's anger cooled, the smells in the room caught up to him. He was almost bowled over by the smell of Xander's blood.

He barely held back a roar of pure fury when he realized that this was the place that Spike had raped Xander.

"Dude, did you know that you're growling?" Clem asked.

Angel managed to get himself under control and shook off his gameface, not realizing until he did that he had even let his vampire face come forward.

"Do you know Xander?" Angel asked.

"Xander? Yeah, sweet kid. Played poker a time or two with him, had to play for money though, couldn't stand the whole 'kitten poker' idea," Clem said, the fondness apparent in his voice. "We've become friends. You know, most humans are bothered by the loose skin thing, not him though. And he sure loves Spi…..uh Sprite, sure loves his Sprite, can't get enough of that soda…" Clem trailed of nervously.

"I know about him and Spike," Angel said.

Clem gave a sigh of relief, glad he had not revealed the secret.

Angel looked at him appraisingly. "Do you know where Xander is?"

"No, kinda surprised when Spike said he was leaving town, maybe he took Xander with him?" Clem suggested.

"Xander is in the hospital," Angel said quietly.

"He is? Is he okay? What happened to him?" Clem asked, his voice filled with genuine concern for his friend.

"Spike happened."

"Huh? What do you mean 'Spike happened'? What…….." Clem's voice trailed off as he looked over towards the stone tomb where he had seen Spike washing off blood before he left.

Angel followed Clem's gaze to the stone structure and realized that was where most of the lingering smell of Xander's blood came from.

"Xander's your friend, too. Right?" Angel asked.

"Yeah, he really is," Clem said sadly.

"Can you do something for me?" Angel asked.

"What?" Clem asked wearily.

"Can you take this business card and call me if you hear from Spike, or if he comes back?" Angel said, extending the business card towards the demon.

"I guess I can do that, for Xander…..Are you sure Spike was the one to hurt him?" Clem asked, taking the card from Angel's hand.

"Yeah, I am," Angel said sadly. Inwardly, he was screaming in conflicting emotions, anger over what had been done to Xander and sorrow at this act that effectively lost him his favorite childe for good.

"Will you…will you tell Xander…tell him I'm sorry and I hope he gets better soon?" Clem asked.

"Sure," Angel replied.

"Are you taking him away from here? If you are, that's good, I don't think this place is good for him, anymore. If it ever was," Clem said sadly.

"Yes, he and his friend Tara are coming home with me."

"Tara? She's great. Been a real good friend to Xander."

"I know. And Clem, the Slayer and her group don't know anything about this, so if you run into them, could you not say anything?" Angel asked.

"They don't know? But….never mind. No, I won't tell them anything," Clem said, afraid he knew why the Slayer wasn't to be told about this. He wasn't stupid, a little slow on the uptake sometimes, but not stupid. He had hoped Spike would get a clue and give up on Buffy, for his own and for Xander's sake. He knew nothing good would come of the situation, but he hadn't dreamed that it would be this.

Angel nodded and left the crypt. He headed back to pick up Tara and take her to Xander's apartment.


	7. Chapter 7 Picture

Title: **Solid Ground – Part 7 - Picture**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: eventually, X/A

Summary: SLASH - Xander is assaulted by his secret boyfriend and needs to get out of Sunnydale to heal. He and Tara go to L.A. to recover from their screwed up lives.

Spoilers: Up through most of season six of BtVS, goes AU at end of Entropy. Through season 4 of Angel, Okay, just pretty much anything from all seasons of both shows is fair game.

Warnings: SLASH M/M, violence, description of non-con.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Anya broke up with Xander after "Once More with Feeling" He began another relationship not long after that. Buffy never told Tara why she wanted to know if she 'came back wrong', so Tara doesn't know about her and Spike. Tara doesn't die, because she isn't there to get back together with Willow. This takes place right after Xander & Buffy see Anya and Spike on video, courtesy of spy cams.

Tara and Angel stood together outside of Xander's apartment. Neither made a move to open the door for a long moment. They looked at each other and smiled a little sheepishly before Tara took out her key and opened the door like she had done only hours before.

Tara stepped inside and invited Angel into Xander's apartment.

She walked slowly through the apartment, trying to remember when this place had been a refuge of safety and friendship, when she had come here for movie nights and comfort. Now it just felt like the place where she had found her shattered best friend.

Angel's senses were immediately assaulted when he entered Xander's home. First came the smell of recent blood, which caused him to growl a little. Then he was overcome with the smell of Xander and Spike, together and separate, not just sex odors, but everyday scents. The smell of chocolate and wood that was Xander. The smell of leather and blood that was Spike.

They had both spent a lot of time in this place, together.

Tara passed Xander's bathroom with a wince and headed for his bedroom. She found a suitcase in his closet and headed over to his dresser. As she reached to open the first drawer, her eyes caught on one of the photos he had proudly displayed there.

It was a picture that Tara had taken when she had been playing with the new digital camera Xander had gotten her for her birthday. They had discovered that since digital cameras didn't use mirrors, Spike would show up on the pictures taken with them. Neither Spike nor Xander had been aware that the picture was being taken. In it, Spike was laughing at something Xander had said and Xander was smiling at Spike with a look of love and devotion.

Tara backed away from the dresser until her legs hit the bed and she automatically sat down. She struggled to hold back the sobs that threatened to come forth.

Angel had been looking around the living room when he heard Tara's heart rate increase; he rushed into the bedroom to see what had upset her. He saw her sitting on the bed staring at a picture on Xander's dresser. He walked towards it and picked it up. Had his heart been beating, it would have stopped in his chest at the sight before him.

When Tara had told him Spike and Xander had been involved, he hadn't really grasped what that meant. It wasn't just about sex, at least not for Xander. The boy in this picture was obviously in love. And Angel's childe looked affectionately amused and… happy.

"H-how could he do it?" Tara asked, coming up behind him.

Angel gave her a questioning look.

"H-how could he hurt Xander like that? How could anyone hurt Xander like that? He's the b-best man I know, the first man I ever really t-trusted. He l-loves… loved Spike completely, no hesitation or doubt. How could Spike…w-why would he…?"

Angel opened his arms, and tried not to show his slight surprised when the shy girl quickly moved towards him and allowed him to gather her up and comfort her.

"I don't know what Spike was thinking, or if he even was thinking at all. He was always impulsive and hasty, but even for him, this is out of character. Now that Spike has taken off, we may never know what was going through his head. I can only guarantee that if Spike doesn't regret it now, he will when I find him," Angel vowed.

"It's not just the r-r-rape I don't understand, it's the whole situation. Xander was so in l-love and I didn't h-have the heart to t-tell him that I didn't think Spike was as 'involved' as he was. I sh-should have said something, done something. I knew it wouldn't end well, I just never thought that this would happen," Tara said tearfully.

Angel rubbed comforting circles on the young witch's back. "Shh, little one, you couldn't have known, and do you think Xander or Spike would have listened to you if you did try to say something? Two more stubborn beings, I have never met. Human or demon."

"H-he was so broken, A-angel. S-sitting there in the shower, looking so lost and…sh-shattered. How is he g-gonna…?"

"Remember who we're talking about here. Xander always survives, it's what he does. I've never really admitted this to anyone, but I've always believed him to be one of the strongest people I've ever known. I admired him from the beginning. Was jealous even," Angel admitted.

Tara smiled a little. "R-really? You w-were jealous?"

Angel smiled back and nodded. "Really. He was brave and fiercely loyal. I'm not sure if I was jealous because he got to be with Buffy in the sunshine or because Buffy got to be the object of his devotion…. I didn't mean it like that, you little minx. All my life and unlife, I'd never had a friend like that. Never really had a friend. Can't help but admit that I wanted to know what that was like."

Tara giggled when Angel admitted to being jealous, but she didn't blame him. When she had first met Willow's friends, she had been more than a little envious of the obvious love and devotion Xander showed the people he cared about. No one had ever cared about her like that, except for her mother, who was long gone. The first time she had realized that Xander considered her one of his own, she had been shocked and flattered.

"H-he's going to b-be okay, right?" Tara asked hesitantly.

"He has you and Cordelia Chase utterly devoted to his well being, he has no choice but to be okay," Angel said, his gently teasing underscored by complete conviction.

"A-and you," Tara said softly.

"What?" Angel asked.

"H-he has y-you, too. D-devoted to his recovery," Tara pointed out.

Angel smiled a little bashfully. "That he does, that he does."

They smiled at each other and set about deciding what things of Xander's to take, both silently culling his wardrobe of the most hideous pieces by unspoken agreement.


	8. Chapter 8 I don't understand

Title: **Solid Ground – Part 8 – I Don't Understand**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: eventually, X/A

Summary: SLASH - Xander is assaulted by his secret boyfriend and needs to get out of Sunnydale to heal. He and Tara go to L.A. to recover from their screwed up lives.

Spoilers: Up through most of season six of BtVS, goes AU at end of Entropy. Through season 4 of Angel, Okay, just pretty much anything from all seasons of both shows is fair game.

Warnings: SLASH M/M, violence, description of non-con.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Anya broke up with Xander after "Once More with Feeling" He began another relationship not long after that. Buffy never told Tara why she wanted to know if she 'came back wrong', so Tara doesn't know about her and Spike. Tara doesn't die, because she isn't there to get back together with Willow. This takes place right after Xander & Buffy see Anya and Spike on video, courtesy of spy cams.

Cordelia Chase sat in a chair beside her ex-boyfriend's hospital bed and tried to make sense of the world.

Unfortunately, the world seemed pretty senseless at this point, so that wasn't working too well for her.

"I don't understand."

Cordy turned her attention to the man/boy sitting in the chair across the bed from her.

"What don't you understand, Connor?" she asked.

"What happened to him?"

"He was attacked."

"I see the bruises and the scrapes, but why is he in the hospital, why was he… .sedated? You are all talking about things without talking about them."

"What do you mean?" Cordelia asked.

"You say, 'he was attacked,' but your eyes mean something more than that happened," Connor said, his frustration and confusion plain on his face.

She had really hoped to avoid explaining this to Connor, but it didn't look like she was going to get out of it. She wasn't even really sure how much he knew about sex, much less…. This was definitely something she would have made Angel explain, had he been here.

"We're not trying to hide things from you, it's just… it's hard to talk about. Like if we say it out loud, that makes it more real. It doesn't make sense, I know. Crap, Xander was always better at explaining this humanity stuff," Cordy said, then added with a slight smile, "I should know, he was always trying to make me seem more human."

"But avoiding talking about something doesn't make it go away," Connor said, still confused.

"I know, but it's just something we do. Connor, Xander was… he was raped."

"But…"

"By another man. Besides the damage you can see, there was some internal tearing and the doctors had to give him stitches. But the physical hurt isn't what we're most concerned about, although it's bad enough. It's the mental stuff, we're worrying about. Wondering how he is going to deal with the memories, the trauma," Cordy said softly.

Connor looked at her with a blank expression so like his father's that it should have been funny, but Cordy wasn't able to find amusement in it at this moment.

"I heard him screaming, when we got of the elevator and Angel rushed off. It was… bad," Connor said.

Cordelia's eyes filled with tears.

"You admire him a lot?" Connor asked, slightly off topic.

Cordy wiped at the tears threatening to fall and replied, "Any other time I'd probably deny it, at least to his face, but yeah, I do."

"Why?"

Cordy gave a half-sob, half-chuckle. "Oh, where to begin? Even as a kid, he was loyal and brave and knew how to be a great friend. He had these two friends, Jesse and Willow, that were his whole world, and he loved them to pieces. When we got older, he never failed to defend his friends and… love them. Especially when he found out about the hellmouth-y stuff. He never had to be a hero, you know? He wasn't chosen, or given special powers. He chose to fight the evil because it was the right thing to do. But that's not really why I… He saw me, the me I wanted to be, not the one I showed to the world. No one else had ever bothered to look beyond the surface and see that I was more than a snob and a cheerleader. He thought I was more than that and made me believe it too. He loved me, when everyone else just tolerated me or loved who they wanted me to be. I guess if Xander hadn't been there, I wouldn't be here. I would still be some self-involved little girl, a trophy wife to some jerk. I care about what happens to this world because Xander cared about me."

"H-he really admired you too, you know?" Tara said from the door, a shy smile on her lovely face.

Cordelia sniffed as if to say, 'of course he did.'

"H-he always talks about how you never back down, how strong you are. And h-hot, he went on and on about h-how hot you were, t-too," Tara said.

Cordelia laughed at that.

"He's going to be alright, we'll make sure," Connor said, his voice filled with both conviction and question.

"Of course he will. We'll take care of him," Angel said as he followed Tara inside the room. His voice had none of the uncertainty that Connor's had, only assurance.

"Any change?" Angel asked Cordelia.

She shook her head. "No. The doctors did say they'll release him after he wakes up. So, are we all packed and everything? Please tell me you burned those awful shirts of his and, oh God, please tell me he doesn't still have those plaid pants."

Tara and Angel looked at each other and shared amused smiles.

"We may have…weeded out some of the worst offenses, but we didn't burn them, just left them behind," Angel said with a smirk.

Cordelia smirked back.

Connor just looked on in confusion.

Tara ducked her head to hide her smile.

They all turned to look at the bed when they heard a slight groan from the patient.


	9. Chapter 9 Glimpses

Title: **Solid Ground – Part 9 - Glimpses**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: eventually, X/A

Summary: SLASH - Xander is assaulted by his secret boyfriend and needs to get out of Sunnydale to heal. He and Tara go to L.A. to recover from their screwed up lives.

Spoilers: Up through most of season six of BtVS, goes AU at end of Entropy. Through season 4 of Angel, Okay, just pretty much anything from all seasons of both shows is fair game.

Warnings: SLASH M/M, violence, description of non-con.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Anya broke up with Xander after "Once More with Feeling" He began another relationship not long after that. Buffy never told Tara why she wanted to know if she 'came back wrong', so Tara doesn't know about her and Spike. Tara doesn't die, because she isn't there to get back together with Willow. This takes place right after Xander & Buffy see Anya and Spike on video, courtesy of spy cams.

Previously:

_They all turned to look at the bed when they heard a slight groan from the patient._

Tara moved to stand next to Xander. Cordy stood up from her chair and stood on his other side. Connor and Angel each took a place behind the girls.

And chocolate colored eyes fluttered open and looked around in bleary confusion.

"Tara?" the ravaged voice whispered.

'Xander, honey, how are you feeling?" Tara asked softly.

"I hurt."

Tara's breath caught at the words, the same ones he had spoken to her all those hours ago.

"I know honey, but you're going to be okay," Tara assured him.

Xander's eyes flickered over to the other side of the bed and he gave a slight smile, a shadow of the beaming one he usually sported.

"Cordy?" Xander rasped.

"Hey Xan," Cordy said, trying her best to return his smile.

"What are you doing here?" Xander asked, then his eyes widened when he registered the other occupants of the room, "And Deadboy and kid I don't know?"

Angel smiled slightly.

"We're here to pick up you and Tara, so you can come stay with us in L.A. This is Connor, my son." Angel answered.

"Son?"

"Long story," Cordy answered. "We got you all packed and ready to go for when the doctor releases you."

"Doctor? Releases me?" Xander's brow wrinkled in confusion as he tried to work his drug fogged mind around where he was and what was going on.

The others saw the instant when he remembered why he was in the hospital. Angel and Connor heard his heartbeat speed up. Tara and Cordy saw his eyes start to glaze over in panic.

Tara bent over the side of the bed, took hold of Xander's face with both hands and lowered her forehead to his.

"Xander, sweetie, look at me. Breathe for me, okay? You need to calm down, you're safe, I've got you. Cordy's got you. Calm down for me, okay? That's it, breathe, in and out. You're safe now, no one's going to hurt you, we won't let them." Tara spoke quietly and calmly to Xander as she helped him focus and calm down.

Xander's breathing and heart rate slowed, not quite to normal, but enough.

Tara pulled back just a fraction, her hands still gently cradling his face.

He looked into her eyes, then his eyes darted around the room and back to her.

"They know?" he whispered brokenly.

"They know. And they came as soon as they heard so they could come get us and take us home with them."

"Hate me?"

"No, Xander, honey, nobody hates you. Why would they?" Cordelia asked, on the verge of tears.

"My fault."

Angel stepped forward quickly. "Not your fault, only his. Nothing you did or could do made this happen. It was all him, his fault, not yours. Never yours."

Xander looked at Angel and wanted to believe. _But they don't know everything about what happened; they'll think differently once they know._

"We don't hate you Xander. We came here for you, for you and Tara. You are both coming home with us. You can stay as long as you want, forever, even," Cordy assured him.

Angel and Connor nodded their heads emphatically in agreement.

Xander seemed to believe at least the part about going to L.A.

He looked around the room and noticed for the first time not who was there, but who wasn't.

He turned his eyes toward Tara in question.

"I-I didn't t-tell them. I f-figured you wouldn't w-want them to know. W-we can call them once we get t-to Angel's," Tara said, and rushed on when she saw Xander start to panic. "T-to just tell them w-we're in L.A. not about a-anything else, unless you w-want to."

Xander gave her a grateful smile.

"When?"

"Do we leave? As soon as the doctor gets here and tells us you can go, which reminds me, we need to go tell someone you're awake," Cordy answered, the last part directed at Angel, who took his cue and headed towards the door.

"You said I'm packed?" Xander managed to say.

Tara smiled. "Y-yes, you're all p-packed and ready to go; s-so am I."

Xander nodded at this, then asked roughly, "Did you get my favorite shirt?"

Tara and Angel, who hadn't left yet, shared a speaking glance.

"Th-the one with the p-palm trees and p-penguins?"

Xander nodded.

Cordy eyes widened in horror and Connor's mind boggled at that description.

"I-I, uh, c-couldn't find it," Tara said, not meeting his eyes.

Xander looked at her, rolled his eyes and even managed a giggle. "Liar."

Tara blushed as the others laughed. They all shared a smile as the laughter faded; the ones who knew Xander were glad to see a glimpse of his normal self, and Connor saw a little bit of the man Cordelia had always talked about.

Angel went to tell the nurses that Xander was awake.


	10. Chapter 10 Driving

Title: **Solid Ground – Part 10 - Driving**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: eventually, X/A

Summary: SLASH - Xander is assaulted by his secret boyfriend and needs to get out of Sunnydale to heal. He and Tara go to L.A. to recover from their screwed up lives.

Spoilers: Up through most of season six of BtVS, goes AU at end of Entropy. Through season 4 of Angel, Okay, just pretty much anything from all seasons of both shows is fair game.

Warnings: SLASH M/M, violence, description of non-con.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Anya broke up with Xander after "Once More with Feeling" He began another relationship not long after that. Buffy never told Tara why she wanted to know if she 'came back wrong', so Tara doesn't know about her and Spike. Tara doesn't die, because she isn't there to get back together with Willow. This takes place right after Xander & Buffy see Anya and Spike on video, courtesy of spy cams.

It hadn't taken long for Xander's doctor to come and take a look at him. The doctor was familiar with Xander and knew of the young man's dislike of hospitals, so he had no problem clearing him for release. Xander always seemed to get better faster outside of the hospital.

So here they were, all piled into Angel's car and heading towards LA.

Angel looked sideways at his son sitting next to him in the front passenger seat. He had to admit that he was impressed with how Connor had handled everything. The usual open hostility that permeated Connor's attitude towards him had been replaced by a wary watchfulness since their arrival at the hospital.

The vampire glanced in the rearview mirror and smiled sadly at the tableau. Xander laid across the back seat with his head on Tara's lap and his feet on Cordy's. There had been some gentle (for Cordy) teasing about not wanting to have his stinky feet touching her, but she had gracefully settled in and even given Xander a couple of tickles to the bottoms of his feet just to show she wasn't serious.

It hadn't taken long for Xander to nod off with Tara's hand petting his hair and the motions of the moving vehicle rocking him to sleep, not to mention the sheer emotional and physical exhaustion that were weighing him down.

Every once in awhile a slight whimper would erupt and the girls would soothe him with a gentle touch and soft words of comfort.

If he hadn't been driving, Angel would have loved to sketch the beautiful and loving picture they made.

Connor looked sideways at the vampire sitting next to him in the driver's seat.

He noticed that Angel repeatedly glanced in the rearview mirror. Connor knew it wasn't to check out his reflection, so he must be looking at his friends.

Connor himself kept looking at Angel to search for glimpses of the monster that he had been raised to hate. While he had seen a glimpse of the demon in Angel's eyes earlier, it had been in response to what had been done to Xander.

He noticed that happened a lot, the demon coming out in defense of a friend or the innocents Angel sought to protect. But, in the absence of danger or potential harm, the thing who called himself Connor's dad seemed to be… .almost a man.

It made Connor think. He would need to watch some more, but it appeared that Holtz's view of Angel had been a little skewed. Or not, it was so hard to tell what was real and what was not. Cordelia and the others trusted Angel and wanted him to trust Angel. Maybe he needed to form his own opinions instead of relying solely on the opinions of others. Not necessarily give Angel the benefit of the doubt, but at least set aside some of the hatred.

So, yes, he would wait and watch and see who or what this vampire with a soul really was.

Tara absently brushed her hand across Xander's dark hair. She took as much comfort in the action as she gave.

She let her mind wander a little, over the events of the past few months, over her feelings for this man, over her feelings for his childhood friend.

The timid looking witch could admit here in her own mind that she had been pretty close to folding. If she hadn't had Xander to support her, she might have gone back to Willow awhile ago, out of loneliness if nothing else. But Xander had made sure Tara wasn't alone, wasn't starved for friendship or human touch. Sure, it hadn't been sexual touch, but Xander-hugs made up for a whole lot. And honestly, what she had missed the most was casual affectionate touching.

Tara wondered what would have happened if she and Xander hadn't been so close; something deep in her soul told her that it wouldn't have been good.

So Tara once again prayed to her goddess, thanking her for Xander's friendship and support and asking for his recovery and well-being.

Despite the drama of the past couple of days, Tara believed that things would be okay. That Xander would get better, that his mind and body would heal. He just had to, because where would she be if he didn't?

Cordelia absently brushed her hand across Xander's lower leg and foot, skirting the edge of the ticklish spot just inside the arch of his foot, careful not to disturb his much needed rest. She took secret comfort in the feel of the flannel of the pajama bottoms they had dressed him in. She would never admit out loud that in some instances, flannel was better than silk. Well, at least the bottoms weren't plaid, just a solid navy blue. And they went nicely with the grey t-shirt she had picked out for him to wear.

She was once again forced to wonder how this could have happened. Well, she knew how, but not why.

But she was pretty sure she knew who.

Cordy wasn't stupid; she played the ditz on occasion, but she wasn't stupid. She noticed things. Like what Xander had and hadn't said over the last few months about life in Sunnydale and his love life. And a certain bleached menace.

No, not Buffy. The other one.

Xander's tone of voice changed when they talked about Spike, softened even. She knew that tone of voice. She had heard it herself back in the day. The Cordelia-and-Xander days.

And Cordelia knew that Angel had picked up on something at the hospital that had enraged him. So she did the math, added two and two and came up with one chipped vampire.

She was pretty sure that Angel hadn't found Spike on his little 'packing' excursion.

Good. Oh, not that she wanted Spike to survive. More like she wanted to be there and help with the torture before they dusted his pale ass. She was thinking she would make him listen to Angel singing Barry Manilow. Then, maybe Barney videos…..oh, the possibilities. Of course Angel would have already plucked out all his toenails and used hot pokers to hold him to the wall as a captive audience, that was pretty much a given.


	11. Chapter 11 Monster

Title: **Solid Ground – Part 11 - Monster**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: eventually, X/A

Summary: SLASH - Xander is assaulted by his secret boyfriend and needs to get out of Sunnydale to heal. He and Tara go to L.A. to recover from their screwed up lives.

Spoilers: Up through most of season six of BtVS, goes AU at end of Entropy. Through season 4 of Angel, Okay, just pretty much anything from all seasons of both shows is fair game.

Warnings: SLASH M/M, violence, description of non-con.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Anya broke up with Xander after "Once More with Feeling" He began another relationship not long after that. Buffy never told Tara why she wanted to know if she 'came back wrong', so Tara doesn't know about her and Spike. Tara doesn't die, because she isn't there to get back together with Willow. This takes place right after Xander & Buffy see Anya and Spike on video, courtesy of spy cams.

A/N 2: yes this is a short chapter, but longer chapters are in your future.

Spike sat among boxes in the huge cargo ship he had stowed away on. His traitorous mind replayed again and again the scene from his crypt a few nights ago.

For the first time in over a hundred years, he took no joy in being a monster.

Because that's what he was. A monster.

In the past, he had taken great pleasure in proclaiming himself to be "The Big Bad" or "Evil". He had bragged and practically shouted it from the rooftops, taken great joy in letting his 'demon' out. He had loved being a vampire: the hunt, the futile struggles of the food before they died, that moment when the sad little humans realized there was nothing they could do to stop their demise. He adored the hot rush of blood that pumped from their bodies into his, the taste of fear and adrenaline that had been released in a last ditch effort to survive. The lingering traces of emotion, sadness, loss, regret that tainted the last few moments of their lives could be felt on his tongue for hours after a feeding. It was a heady and horrifically beautiful thing.

But he had never really felt like a monster. Bad guy, sure. Monster, not so much. Not like he did now.

Now he just wanted to rip the recurring movie out of his brain. He no longer wanted to see huge brown eyes full of pain and tears. He didn't want to hear the same voice that had said 'I love you' all those times begging him, 'Stop! NO! Please don't.' He most definitely wanted to forget sneering drunkenly at the broken and bleeding boy who had barely managed to crawl out of the crypt.

He wanted to forget the growing horror he had felt as the alcohol cleared his system. The sick feeling of dread that had settled like a stone in his stomach when his senses were shaken from their muddled state and inundated with the scent of drying blood and semen, quickly realizing that the blood was mostly Xander's while the semen was Spike's alone. He desperately wanted to forget the un-demon-like flash of relief he felt when he realized he hadn't killed the boy.

He wondered when he had sunk that low. Not just when he had become something that did that sort of thing, he knew that date. It was the cold and miserable evening in a dirty alley in London when he had first seen his 'dark princess' and her true face.

But when had he become something who regretted it?

Why wasn't he reveling in remembrance of the blood and pain and fear? Why wasn't he rejoicing in his long-lost ability to cause the blood and pain and fear? Why hadn't he stayed to finish the boy off?

Why had it taken him so long to hurt the boy? He had had months in which he could have caused torment and reeked havoc on the pitiful whelp, even before he had realized that his chip didn't stop him from hurting him. And after? He could have bathed in the boy's blood; he could have easily made him miserable. But no, he had watched out for him, kept him safe on patrol, taken him into his bed. He had spent time with the human, laughing together, playing together. Enjoying each other's company. He had even been… tender with the whelp the first time they had made lo… no, had sex… no, fucked. The first time they had fucked, he had gone out of his way to be gentle and make sure he didn't hurt the boy. He'd made sure it was good for Xander, too, not just for himself. Spike shuddered in revulsion.

The Slayer and her lot had softened him, that's what had happened.

This bloody chip had made him weak and made him… feel things.

Vampires shouldn't regret, they shouldn't feel bad over their actions. It just wasn't done.

If he'd never had the chip, he would never have been brought this low. He wouldn't be chasin' after the Slayer, because he would have killed her already. He wouldn't be shaggin' one of her lame friends. He might have shagged the boy and drained him, but he wouldn't have had a… 'relationship'. He felt dirty just thinking the word.

It was the chip's fault and the Slayer's. But he would fix the Slayer and her whole lot, give them all what they deserved.

And Spike knew just how to go about it, too.

Anything to get those pleading brown eyes to stop tormenting him in his dreams.


	12. Chapter 12 Sandwich

Title: **Solid Ground – Part 12 – Sandwich**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: eventually, X/A

Summary: SLASH - Xander is assaulted by his secret boyfriend and needs to get out of Sunnydale to heal. He and Tara go to L.A. to recover from their screwed up lives.

Spoilers: Up through most of season six of BtVS, goes AU at end of Entropy. Through season 4 of Angel, Okay, just pretty much anything from all seasons of both shows is fair game.

Warnings: SLASH M/M, violence, description of non-con.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Anya broke up with Xander after "Once More with Feeling" He began another relationship not long after that. Buffy never told Tara why she wanted to know if she 'came back wrong', so Tara doesn't know about her and Spike. Tara doesn't die, because she isn't there to get back together with Willow. This takes place right after Xander & Buffy see Anya and Spike on video, courtesy of spy cams.

Tara awoke slowly, shifting in the arms that held her. She slowly rolled to face her cuddler and she gently brushed a lock of brown hair from the beloved face. She then looked over his shoulder and met the gaze of the slightly smirking brunette petting the arm of the man they had between them. She felt the bed shift behind her and she wondered when her life had gotten to the point that she was unfazed by sleeping in a bed with three other people.

Oh yeah, about the time they arrived in L.A. two weeks ago and quickly realized that Xander had flailing nightmares when he slept, and they got worse when he slept alone. At first Tara had tried to comfort him herself, but had quickly realized that not only was she not physically strong enough to hold him while he struggled, she wasn't sure if she was emotionally strong enough to listen to his whimpers and pleas alone. So Cordy had joined her and Xander at night. Angel soon joined in the Xander-snuggles and the young man had started to sleep through the night with only the occasional nightmare. Some nights were worse then others, but they got through them just the same. Thank goddess Angel had outfitted most of the rooms with king size beds at Cordy's instance. Tara held back a giggle in remembrance of the former cheerleader's, "size does matter, bigger is always better," explanation for her decision.

She had to admit that it was nice not to be alone in all of this. Tara was very glad she had decided to call Cordy that night. It was probably one of the best decisions she'd ever made.

Cordelia absentmindedly stroked the arm of the man she was spooning; she was too comfortable to move just yet. She felt Tara start to wake up and waited for the other woman to shift around. It was always fun to see the look on the Wiccan's face in that moment when she remembered she was waking up with three other people in bed with her, two of them male. Cordy couldn't stop the knowing smirk that crossed her lips when their eyes met. Sometimes she was Xander's teddy bear and sometimes it was Tara, you never really knew until he hugged you tight like he was never gonna let you go. It was Tara's turn now to be held by the young man until he woke up, the strong arms wrapped securely around her.

There were worse places to wake up than as a layer in a beautiful people sandwich. Too bad there wasn't any sex involved. Or not. It almost seemed offensive to even think about sex after you'd held a man through his nightmares about a brutal rape.

But her boy was healing, she knew he was: physically and emotionally. Yesterday he grinned at her. A real grin, not a fake I'm-pretending-everything-is-fine grin, but an honest to goodness real one. It wasn't much, but it was something.

Angel lay still as he felt the other occupants of the bed start to stir. He hated to admit how much he enjoyed waking up beside someone, or someones as it were. Angel had gone a long time without human contact of any sort, which was probably why he had fallen for Buffy so quickly. She had been the first person in over a hundred years who had wanted to touch him. It was also one of the reasons that he blinded himself to some of her faults; he was in awe of the fact that this beautiful young woman willingly held him and allowed him to hold her. And now, he snuggled nightly with not one but three other people. And it didn't even bother him that it wasn't about sex; it was about something more important, comfort and friendship.

The soulful vampire heard Xander's breath start to quicken as Tara and Cordy moved around. The boy would wake up soon. They had learned from experience that the whole day went a lot better if he didn't wake up alone.

And the good days were getting more frequent. Tara and Cordy were good for him. The young witch's sweetness and mothering attitude were supported by her backbone of steel. And his seer's bluntness and pushiness never quite hid the softness she didn't want revealed to the world. The two young women balanced each other well, coddling and supporting Xander's healing process without hindering it by being too lenient. Neither of them put up with letting Xander hide himself away. They encouraged him to hang out with everyone downstairs, or they came to be with him in the suite Angel had cleared for them.

Xander was almost completely healed physically and he was making slow but sure progress healing mentally. But there were still shadows in his eyes, doubts. Like he wasn't sure why they were here, helping him, caring for and about him. Angel knew the boy struggled with feelings of guilt and low self-worth, misplaced as they were.

Angel wasn't sure, but he thought being raped by someone you loved was far worse than being raped by a stranger. The betrayal of trust had to be almost unbearable, not to mention the self doubts and fears. Sometimes Angel could almost see the thoughts bouncing about in the young man's head: "Did I make him do this?" "Was this my fault?" "What did I do wrong?" And the vampire could see the doubt in Xander's eyes when they tried to assure him that the blame rested solely with Spike.

Not that they said his name. They had learned that Xander flinched at the word. And that time they had accidentally turned the TV to VH1 and seen the "Where Are They Now? Punk Rockers" program, that was a mistake they didn't repeat. Angel was glad that Wesley sounded so uppercrust. Xander never associated the man's British accent with Spike's guttersnipe routine.

Angel knew that it would take time and possibly therapy for Xander to fully heal, but he was glad for the little signs that the boy was improving. It made Angel feel less guilty for the growing attachment he was feeling towards the young man, although one of his greatest fears was that Xander would wake up one morning and remember to hate him again. But Angel was pretty sure he could unlive with Xander hating him if he could hear him laugh out loud again.

Xander woke slowly to the feel of a soft body in his arms and someone petting his side and head. Not a bad feeling over all. Not too long ago, it would have been his fantasy to wake up in bed with two women and, he admitted, Angel. Now it was his lifeline, his reality. And he thanked the Powers That Be for whatever moment of compassion they'd had to allow him to have these people by his side through this… ordeal. He knew he didn't deserve them, hadn't earned them, but he was oh so grateful for their strength and comfort.

He had felt guilty about leaving Buffy and Willow and Dawn in Sunnydale, especially when they had heard about Warren attacking the house the morning after Sp… the morning after. Thank goodness Willow had been able to remove the bullet and undo the damage it had done to Buffy's shoulder, but the magic she'd used hadn't been good magic, and the intensity of it had scared her. Willow finally admitted she had a real problem and asked Giles for help. The coven in Devonshire seemed to be helping and healing her. And with Warren having been apprehended shortly thereafter, things had settled down again.

Xander felt slightly guilty for being relieved that the incident took the focus off of him and what had happened. They only knew that he had been hurt and that he and Tara had gone to L.A. to heal, and possibly start over. Buffy had a moment of clarity and realized that it was probably for the best, at least for Tara, not to be in Sunnydale right now and she didn't begrudge Tara her Xander-shaped friend. The blonde slayer chose not to look deeper into the explanation for their absence than that.

Xander knew better than to be too relieved that things were going, for lack of a better word, well. It would be like saying, "What's the worst that could happen?" or "Things can only get better." Unfortunately, he had lived on a hellmouth too long not to realize that it was probably already too late. He was surrounded by people who cared for him and loved and supported him and he was on the road to recovery; of course bad shit was coming.


	13. Chapter 13 0h no, it's up to my thigh!

Title: **Solid Ground – Part 13 – Oh no, it's up to my thigh!**

Author: Xanfan

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: eventually, X/A

Summary: SLASH - Xander is assaulted by his secret boyfriend and needs to get out of Sunnydale to heal. He and Tara go to L.A. to recover from their screwed up lives.

Spoilers: Up through most of season six of BtVS, goes AU at end of Entropy. Through season 4 of Angel, Okay, just pretty much anything from all seasons of both shows is fair game.

Warnings: SLASH M/M, violence, description of non-con.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Anya broke up with Xander after "Once More with Feeling" He began another relationship not long after that. Buffy never told Tara why she wanted to know if she 'came back wrong', so Tara doesn't know about her and Spike. Tara doesn't die, because she isn't there to get back together with Willow. This takes place right after Xander & Buffy see Anya and Spike on video, courtesy of spy cams.

Bad Shit, thy name is Buffy. Or at least that's what it felt like to Cordelia. She knew the minute she answered the phone and heard Buffy's voice that they were all about to be hip deep in trouble.

"Cordelia? It's Buffy; I need to talk to Angel."

"Buffy, how nice to hear from you, I'm good, thanks for asking," Cordy said with no small amount of sarcasm.

"Cordy, I'm sorry; I just don't have time for this right now. Can I please talk to Angel?" Buffy's voice was laced with frustration.

"Sorry, Angel's a bit busy right now. You know, saving lives, fighting monsters, trying not to throttle his son for being a brat," Cordy replied.

The silence over the other end of the line was deafening. Cordelia tried not to smirk. It's not like she had intentionally mentioned Connor, knowing how much the subject of Angel's son, or more specifically the fact that he was proof the vampire had slept with someone else, irked the blonde Slayer. Oh right, yes she had.

"Is there something I could help you with, or possibly a message I could give to Angel?" Cordy asked.

"Fine, could you please tell Angel that the high school we went to so much trouble to blow up, you know the one that was right over the Hellmouth? Well, it's being rebuilt, on the same exact spot. And Dawn starts 9th grade this year. You know what that means? It means my baby sister is going to high school over a Hellmouth. My sister, who quite literally can't step foot out of bed without getting into some kind of trouble, the one I take on patrol with me just so I can keep an eye on her and so she won't burn down the house while I'm gone, is going to go to school in a place that leads straight to hell! It's a big, freaking, disaster!" Buffy's voice had started out semi-calm, but had steadily filled with hysteria until she was shouting the last words.

The seer pondered that for a moment, not bothering to try and calm the Slayer down. After a moment, she conceded, "You're right, that is a pretty big deal. I'll call Angel on his cell phone. With any luck, Xander will show him how to answer it and he'll call you back and we'll figure out if there is anyway to minimize the damage."

"Thanks Cordy. And Cordy?"

"Yes?"

"…..How is Xander?"

The former cheerleader froze, wondering if Buffy knew something.

"Why do you ask?" Cordy questioned cautiously.

"He's my friend, and I miss him," Buffy said defensively. In one of her classically random moments of true clarity and awareness, she said, "And something happened to him that you guys didn't tell me about and I probably wasn't prepared to deal with. I'm not sure what, but I know something happened and I know the move out there was as much for him as for Tara, if not more so."

After a moment of stunned silence, Cordelia responded softly, "He's doing… better. He's physically healed, back to the whole demon fighting thing. He says it's different going out to kick ass with a bunch of guys, instead of girls. And he misses the cookies and chips, the guys never remember to bring snacks like you and Willow always did. He told this really awful joke the other day about lesbians to Tara, who smacked him upside the head and almost washed his mouth out with soap. He was Xander again, it was nice. Not the joke, but seeing him being him again, was… really great."

"It was bad, wasn't it," Buffy whispered, her voice so subdued that Cordelia almost missed the question.

"Yes," Cordy said softly, but bluntly.

"But, it's better now?" Buffy asked hopefully.

"It's getting there, he's getting there."

"Can you ask him if he has any ideas about how to not get Dawnie killed or kidnapped while going to school on the mouth of hell, you know, before you ask Angel?"

Cordelia smiled. "That will probably thrill him. I bet you miss the Xanderplans, don't you?"

"I didn't think I would, but, I was doing it alone this summer, with just Dawn with me on patrol, and I realized how much he always helped, just by being there and coming up with these wacky ideas that somehow seemed to work," Buffy admitted.

Cordelia couldn't stop herself from asking, "So, Spike wasn't around to help out and proclaim his undying love?"

Buffy snorted. "After the whole Anya thing, he just disappeared. Haven't seen leather nor bleached blond crisply gelled curl of him since."

After a moment of awkward silence, Buffy said, "Oh yeah, and Dawn told me to tell Tara and Xander 'Hi.' She's kind of been pushing for us to come down and visit, maybe do a little shopping, but mostly she wants to see them, and you, for some reason."

"That actually might not be a bad idea. I'll talk with them, but it might be a good thing and we could brainstorm the whole 'new high school on the Hellmouth' thing while you're here," Cordelia replied, plans already forming in her head.

"Sounds great, call me when you have an idea of when and stuff," Buffy replied, happy with the prospect of seeing her friends and even Cordelia.

"Will do. I'll talk to you later."


End file.
